Monday, 3 October 2011

Automobile enhancements

What is it with these people and their need to pimp their ride? Today I was waiting at a traffic light behind a Fiat Uno. The exhaust opening was so big I could have parked my car in it. It had a wing that wouldn't have looked out of place on a Boeing. The tyres were so wide that if one looked at it from a certain angle, one might have confused it with a Sherman tank. The mag wheels themselves probably cost more than the entire car was worth.

It had a CF registration plate, and I have to ask if there is at least one CF registered car out there that does NOT have a wing or furry dice hanging from the rear view mirror. If there is, I haven't seen it. THEY must think they look cool, and I guess there must be others out there that find this type of thing stimulating. What I mean is: do chicks dig it? Or are those all the single guys out there who haven't realised that looking like a trailer park F1 driver doesn't pull pussy? And if they do dig it, then the world really has gone crazy.

Also, they all tend to drive like they've just ingested a kilo of meths. "Ja, the tyre marks show the direction my car is going to be travelling in." Which is why they don't bother with indicators.

But whether they suffer from SPS (small penis syndrome) or a feeling of insignificance, I suppose they do get the attention they're looking for, albeit in a mostly negative form. I guess some attention, is better for them than none at all. My plea here is not to encourage them. Don't say things like : "I smaak your wing." or "Can I stroke your dice?"

 Don't rev your engine. It's the equivalent of saying that yours is bigger than their's.  They are going to do everything to prove to themselves that this is not true.

Don't bop along to the "doef doef" music (music?) that sounds like an elephant with IBS. Because it's making both your cars vibrate, use this opportunity to call them whatever you like. THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!

And why do they all listen to the same crap? Maybe it's a throw back to Neanderthal times where they can identify each other through sound. Or perhaps, combined with the bass of the free flow exhaust system it's like  a primordial fart of identification.

All I know is that is pisses me off, to be assaulted visually and acoustically, while I'm trying to concentrate on surviving the other assholes driving out there.

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