Drivers who remove their licence plates are criminals

While I find the campaign against drunk driving commendable, I wonder why an equally despicable crime has not been addressed. I refer to the increasing number of drivers who remove their licence plates to avoid detection by speed cameras. I wonder if people have really thought about the impact that this has on road behaviour.

For instance, when I see a drunk driver on the road I phone and report it to authorities. On many occasions I've been unable to do so as the person responsible has removed their licence plates. I have seen reckless driving, excessive speeding, road rage, illegal dumping, all committed by these people who do whatever they want. They are unidentifiable and there are no consequences to their actions. I’m sure the increase in “hit and runs” is a direct result of this. Not only is the traffic department losing out on revenue, but its worst traffic offenders continue to cause havoc on our roads.

 Before people jump to the conclusion that it is taxis that are guilty of this, I can say that I have only seen one taxi without plates, the majority of these offenders are the drivers of luxury vehicles. Demographically, they are people who would never drive or own taxis.They are also the same people who love to complain about how corrupt our government is (yes it is), and how taxis never obey the rules of the road. What did they think when Julius Malema was found driving around without licence plates? 

The ridiculous R500 fine they could possibly incur is a drop in the ocean compared to the thousands they have ‘saved” in fines.

The other aspect is that these people ‘assist’ criminals by their actions. The first thing criminals do after having committed a crime is to remove the plates from their vehicle. If it was the only vehicle doing so, it would make it that much easier to find.

JP Smith said on Cape Talk more than three years ago, that this issue was his bugbear and that he was going to do something about it. How much longer must we wait? In Kwazulu Natal, if your vehicle is found to be without plates, it is impounded, and until you can present those plates, your vehicle will not be returned to you. When I have visited there, people seemed to obey the speed limits, and all of them had licence plates.

The Traffic Department doesn’t seem concerned about this from what I’ve experienced. I have often seen Traffic Department vehicles driving behind those unidentifiable cars and ignoring them. I have spoken to Traffic officers and all of them smile and say "Ask JP Smith just how many fines have been issued for this offence." 

JP Smith and Robin Carlisle are forever going on about the new trapping methods that have been installed, but they're not catching the real perpetrators. By nature I'm quite cynical and would never have entertained the thought that maybe they don't really want to do anything about this, because the great majority of people doing this are the very people who vote for the DA. Do they want to keep them happy? I only say this because I know that they know about it, and have known about it for years. I've written to the papers, Talk Radio, all the heads of Traffic Departments and no-one is interested.

 All the police have to do is walk around a parking lot to find these vehicles. There are also thousands who have altered their licence plates by either defacing a number or breaking off part of the plate. The other problem, is that this behaviour is emulated by others, with the typical South African response of : "I'm going to do it because he's doing it". We also have the next generation, their children, seeing that it's "OK" to break the rules YOU choose to break. It's about time the authorities did something about this scourge, because the people who are breaking this traffic law are able to break all traffic laws. They will continue doing so for as long as they're allowed to.

Zuma painting lets it all hang out

I am utterly disgusted, no, revolted, that the painting depicting our President, Jacob Zuma, with his tackle hanging out, was called "The Spear". Nothing about it resembles a spear, in fact, I would be so bold as to suggest that it more closely resembles a knobkerrie, and an upside down one at that too.

 I have listened to talk radio today, and all anyone wants to talk about is this painting. White men seem to think he is depicted as generously endowed, black men might think that the depiction is short an inch or too. Who cares? I don't see why people get so excited about a penis, it's not as if most of us haven't seen one before. Vaginas are ok, you could have a warehouse full of vaginas and no one would say anything. But show a penis, unless your'e Michelangelo, and everyone goes crazy.

I'm more surprised that no-one has complained that it isn't erect. It could be that people realise that with all the action that Zuma has been getting, that one wouldn't expect it to be at full tilt. Maybe people sense that the drooping of the presidential knobkerrie is just that-that it represents an impotent president. I'm not a cheese and wine art critic so I'll leave the "reading" of the painting to those "sniff at the ceiling" sorts who seem to know better.

 What I do know is that Zuma has brought all this upon himself. If he was doing his job, if he did have respect for what our constitution stands for, and if he had a little backbone, hell, even if he had a personality, I'm sure that people would be more circumspect with their criticism. I don't believe that anyone would present someone like Mandela in this manner, for the simple reason that there IS no reason to. He has done nothing to invite ridicule, unlike our current leader. I think Brett Murray has been rather tame with his painting. I would probably have included a sensor in it, so that, upon approach, the presidential peccadillo would rise at one's presence. Or I would have made into a clock, not that it would have worked of course, knowing the ANC's record of timekeeping. For all we know, it may not be a penis at all, but one his kids hanging from his trouser fronts. (It's something about the head.)

Jesus only helps me!

I was watching Survivor on TV this week and during the reward challenge the religious thing cropped up again.
There were two groups, with three contestants per side. The object of the challenge was to release as FEW coconuts that were resting upon a bed of entangled rope.

 Each team took turns to remove a rope, with the first team with a hundred coconuts to their score, to be the losing side.  Before this contest began, one group joined hands in that endearing Christian way, and prayed for their success. They then named themselves "prayer warriors", now convinced that they had the upper hand. The other team had only one member appealing to God, so she was outnumbered three to one in the power of prayer department.

At this point I have to stress that prayer would have been better directed at the possible removal of the latter's grey steel rug of a mullet. Even I would have joined in prayer for that eventuality.

The "God' team was quite successful in their challenge, and while I can't remember the exact numbers, they had about seven coconuts to the other teams 67 or so. It was obvious to all that their prayer was effective. All the time, either side took turns invoking their God, while their opposite number had their turn pulling a rope.

It was at this point that woman in the "God Squad" confidently announced that it was obvious that God was on their side. She then removed her rope, and lo and behold : 58 coconuts fell like manna from heaven! They lost the challenge and the reward that came with it.

So what point am I trying to make? Well, this happens every day around the world in just about every sport, where you have one team thanking God for their goal or try, or century. I think this is the most presumptuous thing that one can do. What makes you so special that for the duration of the game you are the one that God is looking after. What does the religious person on the opposing side, having given his prayer, silent or otherwise, feel about being the recipient of, by default, God's disfavour?

Are 'normal' Christians not offended by such crass behaviour? If they were thanking God when they didn't do well then it may be a different story, but such people are eerily quite when things don't go their way. Have they ever thought, for instance, that their God may just be saying something like :" WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? ASSUMING THAT TODAY, OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE, YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE? WHAT A CHEEK!" And the bales tumble, and the ball is lost, and the coconuts fall.  

People can believe what they like, but isn't there a verse or saying somewhere in that heavy ancient book, that directs against this very thing? It doesn't matter if there is or if there isn't, because it's all open to interpretation, which is what makes it so popular. And no, I haven't just punched the air and pointed skywards in thanks for writing this article. I think I'd like to take the credit for doing that myself, quietly, if you don't mind.

Bad service might make me go Al- Quaeda

For years now I have experienced the worst possible service from Builder's Warehouse, and before it's reincarnation as Del la Rey. They have a consumer complaints department, but who do you complain to about them, when they themselves ignore you? One might ask why I choose to continue shopping there, given my experiences? I have no choice! They have the monopoly in the industry and there is simply no alternative. I could write a book about my bad experiences at this place, but it would make such depressing reading, that I'm afraid it would be banned, for safety reasons.

This has lead me to the decision, that should I ever contract a terminal disease,  (which in all likely hood would have been a direct consequence of my shopping experiences) I would take them out.

I would strap the largest, most explosive bomb to myself .(and maybe pilfer some radioactive material from Koeberg Nuclear Power Station for good measure-their security is so lax, no-one would even notice)

For my extra enjoyment, I would drive through the glass front doors, past the security guard who insists on stamping my receipt. There are sometimes queues of people waiting to have their "goods checked", and receipts stamped. You could show him his own death warrant and he would stamp it. They don't have a clue, which is why I stuff everything I purchase into my pockets (if it fits) and save myself the added frustration of waiting yet again.

I would then drive over the help desk, and this would be the only time they've noticed me. I would then continue through the aisles looking for a particular individual, because I know he won't be where his job description says he should be. After that minor speed bump I would stop at my ultimate destination : The Manager's Office. Ordinarily, he wouldn't be there. In fact, you never see him anywhere. Which is why I would have phoned before hand to arrange a meeting at this very point. I would step out of my car and hug him. I would then pull the little cord that would ignite my explosive device. (I chose a cord rather than a button, as it more closely resembles the "flushing" experience I require)

At that very moment when I blow up, a large group of Jehovah's Witnesses will walk into the building. These are the irritating little s**t's that have been knocking at my gate every Tuesday and Saturday for the last ten years. I enticed them there earlier, saying I was finally ready for salvation. How were they to know they were ready too? They could have known, had they listened to WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING THEM FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS.

Sick society

I prefer to write about things that have some sort of humorous slant to them, but every now and then, the subject renders that impossible. This morning's big news was about a 17 year old girl who was gang raped by seven boys between the ages of 14 and 20 in Soweto. This, unfortunately, is not unusual. Of every five rapes in this country, one is a gang rape. This girl is now missing, having been left in the company of a taxi driver. Not only is she mentally disabled, but it is not the first time this has happened to her. After her ordeal, she was offered two Rand for her silence. All this is sick enough, together with the fact that at this very moment she is possibly being abused again. 

What really makes this sicker than it already is, is that the cell phone video taken of this rape, has gone viral. Yes, viral. Even on Twitter, apparently, there has been huge demand for this video to be forwarded. So not only has this poor girl been raped by seven boys, she is being repeatedly raped by the vile voyeurs who choose to perpetuate this crime. The rapists have been arrested, as they made no attempt to hide their identity   

whilst filming. This leads one to assume that things like this are normal for them, and the sad truth is that it is.

I believe that in South Korea, a rape investigation which was botched by police, caused such a public outcry, that the police chief was forced to resign. We know such a resignation would never happen here.We also know that the case will be repeatedly postponed, and that the ultimate punishment will be inadequate.

 The really sad thing is that some of us will show our anger and be upset about this incident, today. 

Tomorrow, another gruesome act will catch our attention. 

For us too, this has become normal.

Trump brothers drip with blood

The Trump brothers came to wild Africa and conquered. Having shot a variety of animals including a leopard and an elephant, they now bask in the glory of their perceived masculinity. What erections they must have had, when their high-powered rifles shot their bullets into the flesh of these creatures. What throbbing they must have felt when cutting off the elephant's tail for their sick mementos. People that get off on cowardly acts like this, can only get off on cowardly acts like this. You have to wonder how they managed to get through their school career without going postal on their classmates. Then again, in the States, you can never know if one of your peers are packing too. Animals are a much easier target.

The tour company pretty much does everything for you, all you have to do is pull the trigger and pay the money, and then, you get to feel like a real man. To the Trump brothers this  was as close to roughing it, and as dangerous, as making their own cup of coffee.

It is true that the majority of people opposed to their despicable behaviour are meat eaters themselves, something which the Trump Twits posted on Twitter. People so readily say things such as : "Why make such a fuss over animals, when there are so many humans suffering?"

Why not just look at the numbers? Seven Billion people, while we talk of threatened animal species in their thousands or hundreds. Leopards and elephants are not cows or sheep, there are only so many of them. Do we really want to be showing our children pictures of more things the human race has destroyed.

If the Trump brothers want to prove to the world just how manly they are, why don't they go into the enclosure and kill the animals by hand. Then we would know the fight was at least fair. But we know they wouldn't even contemplate such a thing. What would one expect from the spawn of a man who varnishes his hair into place as if it were another of his constructions?

South Africans don't take responsibility for their actions

Why is it that South Africans don't take responsibility for their actions? I was reminded of this last Sunday, having just completed the Argus Cycle Tour, in what I would love to say was a winning time. Age has unfortunately robbed that possibility from me, but nevertheless, it was not a bad time, by any account.

It is common knowledge (or it should be), that raising ones arms in triumphant celebration is reserved for the person that is deserving of it, in other words, the person who wins. The reason for this, as anyone who had actually read the Argus Cycle Tour Magazine, would know, is that it might result in harm, given that cyclists ride in such proximity to one another. The person next to me, whilst crossing the finishing line, first raised her hands upwards. I'm used to such gesticulations, but am used to seeing them in the "Jumping for Jesus" church that I walk by when exercising my dog. I can understand her need to reach out to perceived powers above, after covering such a distance. Her next move was straight out of a Jackie Chan movie, a sharp and forceful right hand move to her left side. When traffic police in South Africa still did their jobs, it was a move even they might have emulated.

Unfortunately my face was in the same place her hand ended up in. My inner celebratory dance gave way to a throbbing red lump of a nose. I shouted at her, telling her it was a stupid thing to do. But no, she quickly corrected me. I WAS TOO CLOSE! The fact that this was the furthest away from a cyclist she had probably been from for the last three or so hours, conveniently escaped her.Would it have been so difficult to simply apologise?

For some reason, South Africans seem incapable of what should be normal behaviour. I had an  experience some time ago that was the most extreme I've experienced. My wife had cut her head by walking into an open window. The first hospital we went to wasn't to our liking, so we left to find another one. Walking back to the car, I saw a middle aged man in a bakkie (utility vehicle). He promptly threw his lit cigarette butt out the window. All I said was : "Dude, you dropped your cigarette."

He then got out the car, shouting that he didn't even smoke, while the cigarette butt lay smouldering on the tarmac, and even more incriminating- the smoke still emanating from his cab.

My wife and I ignored him and climbed inside our car. Seconds later, he almost rammed us with his bullbar. I wound down the window and asked him what his problem was. He then said, in an accent that would send shivers down any Englishman's spine : "The last guy that called me dude, his face never looked the same again. You must see a psychologist!"

Now, I didn't call him dude because I'm a hippie, not that he would haveknown what one was, but because it sounded a lot better and a lot less aggressive than asshole or dickhead. And he gets upset because I called him a "dude"? Thank the Lord I'm not Australian and called him Bruce. Would he have said?: "My name's not Bruce"

I noted with interest his recommendation that I should see a professional and then, taking into consideration the large vehicle he was driving and his obvious poor self image, I suggested he was the owner of an incredibly small penis. I think this flummoxed him- how small is small? When it got through to him he gave chase, but with traffic on my side, I managed to escape him. (some advice for foreigners : DO NOT comment on the size of a South African man's penis, unless you make him believe that it is actually bigger that he thinks it is. People have been killed for saying such things, but only after this incident. Until such time as the South African Government grants free penis extensions, thereby solving many of this country's ills, it remains a taboo subject)

I hear this abdication of responsibility all the time. If someone does something wrong, like breaking traffic laws, they immediately say: "Because I saw him do it" or "Because someone in government did it". Yet, they are vociferous in criticising the very people they emulate. Ask them if they will jump in a fire because someone else did and they will childishly reply in the positive. Just how does one deal with such levels of immaturity? And if the adults of our population behave in such a manner, what hope is there for their children?

In attempting to answer the questions I've posed, I have the following answers, which may or may not be conclusive. Firstly, we have a history of not thinking in this country (our Calvinistic, Apartheid past) and as such, we remain sheeple, never really thinking for ourselves. We do not read much in this country, apart from one particularly popular book and the odd newspaper. That particular book is nothing but a plaster on our reality. It is time to tell it like it is. Forget about wallpapering our truth, forget about reaching out for the embers, let's just be honest. If we admit that we have this problem, that extends into all spheres of life, and contributes to the moral decay, the corruption, road rage and all the darkness that goes alongside it, then we can begin to change. Just like someone with an addiction can only begin his rehabilitation after admitting to himself, that he has a problem, can we as South Africans, begin our new journey.